Would you like fries with that?

Coming to the last few weeks of my year at Shelterwood. It really doesn't feel like I'm about to be leaving this place. As hard as it has been living/working here, it's been my home for a almost a year and I'm thankful for that no matter what. I've made some of the greatest friends I could have ever asked for or expected through my co-workers and even littles. I have learned more about myself in the last 11 months than I ever thought possible in that short amount of time. God has shown me things about myself that I really like and really dislike. He's also shown me how to see things in other people the way He does....which is something I'm definitely still learning/working on. These girls have shown me more, taught me more, and surprised me more than I ever expected and probably more than they themselves will ever know. I'm forever grateful for the tears, stress, spiritual battles, hurt, anger, sadness, and brokenness that I have seen in these girls, sat through with these girls, and even experienced myself.

It's a gigantic bittersweet feeling thinking about leaving. I'm going to miss my Shelterwood family everyday. The good and even the bad. This place strengthened me and has given me something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I'll miss a lot of it. I don't even know if I will know how to function in a "normal day-to-day life".
9-5 job? A weekend? What the heck is that?

I'm REALLY looking forward to what God has next for me though.
Don't ask me what that is....I'm sure it's amazing though.

I have several options. I'm looking into many different things and honestly they are ALL really exciting to me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up on any of them or start planning things indefinitely until I feel like God has truly shown me what He's up to.
Hopefully it's not McDonalds....mom and dad will be so proud of my degree.

Until then I plan on catching up on sleep...A LOT. Also spending time with my family and close friends that I have really felt like I have sort of neglected this year. (I'm sorry if this was you. Sometimes when you work in a ministry you have to give up things you reeeealllllly don't want to. Time with people you love can be one of them.)

On another note: December 31st I get to eat french fries again. I probably don't have to tell you how excited I am for that, but just in case it looks kinda like this x100... >  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until my very last day...

Whelp. So here it is...the end of September. I'm calling this season of my Shelterwood year "awkward season". Awkward because I'm almost at the end of my year...but still not really at the end of my year. Time to start thinking of life post-shelterwood....but too soon to start applying/interviewing for jobs or finding a place to live. Almost time to start saying goodbyes...but WAY too soon to start saying goodbyes. It's kind of weird, and pretty frustrating trying to figure out what I'm suppose to be doing now.

Hence...awkward.

The obvious thing for someone to point out, or say to me, probably sounds like, "keep pushing until your very last day", "don't check-out yet", "you can still plant seeds", "you're still able to build relationships", etc. I know this is true, however it's really easy to lose that focus. It's really easy to "check-out" and have an attitude of, "why do I need to spend X amount of time with new girls, when I'm going to be leaving this place in 3 months?" or, "why not let the new bigs have the opportunity when it arrives to get to know these girls since they will be here for the next year with them?"

Sounds pretty selfish. Sounds like laziness. Doesn't sound like Jesus.

I'm finding that I have to constantly remind myself that a lot can happen in 3 months. I can't check-out and I can STILL build meaningful relationships in 3 months that could easily last for a lifetime.

That is a piece of where I'm at currently.

...I'm also super excited for the first OKC Thunder game to happen.

Night Watch

I'm almost to the halfway mark. As of the end of June I will have been at Shelterwood for 6 months. When I first got here I thought it would be the longest year of my life. Not because I dislike it or anything, just because it's a lot of hard work. It might still be the longest year of my life....but I still can't believe 6 months has gone by already. I feel like I just got here.
New staff will be coming in soon and to think that I'm a "vet" and will be showing the new staff the "ropes" is so strange to me.
'Here, show the new kids how to do this job." Uhhhhh wait a second, do I even know how to do my job? ....yikes.

I find myself on craigslist a lot. I might even have the app. I'm shameless. Don't get me wrong I will be sad to leave here, but my mind tends to do this wandering thing pretty regularly. I can't help but wonder where I'm going after December. I know it's something I need to take to the Lord more than I already am (I'm workin' on it...don't fret), but I'm still always looking for possible jobs and housing.
Florida, California, Texas, Tennessee, Oklahoma, etc. Who knows...(other than God)

I realized how much I love Oklahoma after being away from it. I was able to take 8 days off and go home this past week. It is so weird how often I'm wearing cowgirl boots and listening to country these days. RED DIRT country at that. So not me. I even miss small town Eufaula. Who am I??? (Identity crisis. No big.) I guess it's easy to miss the lake in the summer, but there are a lot of things I miss about that state.
Thunder games.
People waving at you for absolutely no reason.
Trucks. Lots of trucks.
Hick accents and "Ya'll".
Ordering sweet tea is natural.
The lake.
Family/Friends.
My dock.
My sailboat.
Dirt roads and back roads.
The best fried chicken ever...and okra.

Makes me wanna write country songs or something weird like that.
I'll pray about it.

Second Cup O' Joe...

Here's a recent eureka moment I've had. .......I'm glad I'm single.

Seriously. It's taken me awhile to see how it's a blessing, but this last year I've started to come to the realization that it's great. 

I had a conversation with my dad back in December about how it would be a dream of mine to live in the British Virgin Islands. He was like, "umm, why don't you?" (Yeah. He's sort of awesome.) We then started talking about how I could get my dive masters license and sailing captain's license and then move to the islands and sail people around and take them scuba diving. 

The "life" right? 

This dream of mine still lingers in my head often. I don't know if it will ever become a reality, but if I'm going to end up doing something crazy/awesome, it will probably have to be while I'm single/unmarried/no kids. 

Don't get me wrong.....I don't want to be single and no kids forever...(I hate cats).

But for right now....I'm okay with it. 

Bring on the beach dreams.  

What day is it?

It's funny how fast 3 months go by. The days here are long and slow, but the weeks are...also long and slow. I wish I could describe what life is like here, but honestly people will never understand the full concept of this place unless you have actually experienced it first hand.

There is always an adventure here, and we never repeat the same day twice.

My job might be one of the craziest. Sure, I'm biased, but I really think it's high up on the, "What the freak were you thinking signing that contract?" list of jobs.

I mean we work AND live in a place with 20-something teenage girls who all: have a variety of pretty serious issues they are dealing with, they have the attention span of a 9 year old most days, they hate you and are cussing you out one minute, and the next you are their best friend, you (literally) work 24 hours every day (6:30am-11:30pm) minus the two days off a week, and not to mention you have 11 wives and no husbands.

Even though all this is "basic/normal" everyday for us, I sometimes forget.

Here's how (for the most part) I have processed this....

God called me here. (That's enough. But...)

I love love love each and every one of these girls, no matter how many times they drive me nuts or how frequently I want to knock some basic sense into them daily. Which may sound like I'm sugar-coating my relationships with them, but honestly these girls are awesome. They teach me about unconditional love all the time and they don't even know it.

My co-workers are simply AMAZING. They are the best support system I have, and I never expected coming into this job.

Lately, in the midst of a ton of bad/dark things happening, I've been reminded how Jesus never turned his back on us. He faced the cross for us, even though we put Him there. That's how it has to be here. If we turn our backs on these kids they really won't have anyone. We can't give up on them. Not that all of them will succeed here (unfortunately we have to be realistic), but we have to at least try and give it everything we have. Which is hard, and quite honestly I don't always want to, but then I circle back to the, "why the freak did I sign this contract?" question.

annnnnnnnnd I'm still here.

Transition Phase: Group Home Life

Shelterwood.

This is where I live now.

(Girls lodge is actually to the right of this tree. No pictures yet. Sorry)

The word "Shelterwood" is appropriate for this place.

Maybe I'll touch on that in a later post.

Signing up for this job I thought I didn't really know what I was getting into. I tried to come into it with no expectations, but who can reeeeeally do that? I knew it was going to be hard....and I even told myself I didn't know how hard. Boy, was I right.

Tomorrow I will have been here for 4 weeks. I will be going through training til the end of Feb. but I'm still considered a "big sister" for the most part. I can do basically anything now (driving company vehicles, sign "little sisters" daily point sheet, be on "coverage")....except for giving out meds and working in the kitchen...but my time will come. I have really enjoyed getting to know the staff and the "little's" since I've been here.

We have 12 "bigs" and 25 "little's" in our "house" (aka lodge...aka dorm-like building). I have had deep and meaningful conversations with both staff and little's and I have also had fun nights out on the town with a small group of the girls, which usually include chic-fil-a, wal-mart runs, and cookie-baking. I have also had little's cuss at me, call me names, complain when they get in trouble, and tell us how "there is nothing to do here!" and/or "you don't want us to have fun!"... (which they tend to complain about more and more each day).

God is teaching me patience.

He is teaching me forgiveness. He is teaching me obedience. He is teaching me wisdom. Annnnnd surprisingly(!), He is teaching me how to be a mom, by driving mini-vans and parenting...all day every day.

Sidenote: This is really the only time anyone ever gets paid to be a parent. SO... if you have no kids, are 23 years old or so and still have yet to find a fella (or lady), and are wanting to be a parent...then work in a group home/boarding school.

I was told by previous camp co-workers that have a history with Shelterwood that it would be the "hardest and best year of your life".

4 weeks in......I know that was truth.

Here's to the next 11 months...

"Lord....beer me strength."

WEIRD

Just a proud little moment:

I built a longboard. Yeah...BUILT. With my bare hands. Like a man (but less hairy).

My dad helped me. Alright, more like I helped my dad. But I think we both would agree

that together we each did about 50% of the work. He just read the plans and KNEW what to do.
It was a cool father/daughter project. He was very skeptical at first and I'm pretty sure
he thought it was a dumb idea, but he thinks it's pretty stellar now.
He's already planning on us building a few more.
(Which we are in the process of, so if your interested..let me know)

Here it is...

SO.....

In about 10 weeks I'll be at my college graduation. (YIKES)

In about 11 weeks I'll be in the British Virgin Islands (for the 2nd time in my life).

Sailing a boat like this.

(My friend Lacey and I about 4 years ago.)

Napping in a hammock like this.

AND taking pictures of views like this.
(although pictures in paradise do not do anything NEAR justice to the real thing)

In about 12 weeks (literally a few days after coming home from vacation) I will be packing my car full of all my crap (clothes, laptop, backpack, nalgene, longboard, Bible, iPod, toothbrush, stuffed dog named Ross, and other various necessities) to Independence, MO for my year-long internship.

It weird to think that this big new change in my life is only 2 months away. I'm not even close to thinking about graduating (even though I'm aware it's dangerously close) and leaving all of my friends and the life I've known for the last few years.

I'm not really sure what to expect. When I have this thought I tell myself, "Self, you can't have ANY expectatins." (I don't always refer to myself as 'Self', but saying it's one of those weird things we do at kamp so I can't resist.)
No expectaions is always hard for me, because that makes me see nothing but a huge question mark when I think post-graduation and family vaca.
Who likes looking at a big question mark when it's lurking around in your future? Eeeeeeek.

Hmmmmm........I guess before any of this I have to finish my homework.

Story of my life..