What day is it?

It's funny how fast 3 months go by. The days here are long and slow, but the weeks are...also long and slow. I wish I could describe what life is like here, but honestly people will never understand the full concept of this place unless you have actually experienced it first hand.

There is always an adventure here, and we never repeat the same day twice.

My job might be one of the craziest. Sure, I'm biased, but I really think it's high up on the, "What the freak were you thinking signing that contract?" list of jobs.

I mean we work AND live in a place with 20-something teenage girls who all: have a variety of pretty serious issues they are dealing with, they have the attention span of a 9 year old most days, they hate you and are cussing you out one minute, and the next you are their best friend, you (literally) work 24 hours every day (6:30am-11:30pm) minus the two days off a week, and not to mention you have 11 wives and no husbands.

Even though all this is "basic/normal" everyday for us, I sometimes forget.

Here's how (for the most part) I have processed this....

God called me here. (That's enough. But...)

I love love love each and every one of these girls, no matter how many times they drive me nuts or how frequently I want to knock some basic sense into them daily. Which may sound like I'm sugar-coating my relationships with them, but honestly these girls are awesome. They teach me about unconditional love all the time and they don't even know it.

My co-workers are simply AMAZING. They are the best support system I have, and I never expected coming into this job.

Lately, in the midst of a ton of bad/dark things happening, I've been reminded how Jesus never turned his back on us. He faced the cross for us, even though we put Him there. That's how it has to be here. If we turn our backs on these kids they really won't have anyone. We can't give up on them. Not that all of them will succeed here (unfortunately we have to be realistic), but we have to at least try and give it everything we have. Which is hard, and quite honestly I don't always want to, but then I circle back to the, "why the freak did I sign this contract?" question.

annnnnnnnnd I'm still here.

Transition Phase: Group Home Life

Shelterwood.

This is where I live now.

(Girls lodge is actually to the right of this tree. No pictures yet. Sorry)

The word "Shelterwood" is appropriate for this place.

Maybe I'll touch on that in a later post.

Signing up for this job I thought I didn't really know what I was getting into. I tried to come into it with no expectations, but who can reeeeeally do that? I knew it was going to be hard....and I even told myself I didn't know how hard. Boy, was I right.

Tomorrow I will have been here for 4 weeks. I will be going through training til the end of Feb. but I'm still considered a "big sister" for the most part. I can do basically anything now (driving company vehicles, sign "little sisters" daily point sheet, be on "coverage")....except for giving out meds and working in the kitchen...but my time will come. I have really enjoyed getting to know the staff and the "little's" since I've been here.

We have 12 "bigs" and 25 "little's" in our "house" (aka lodge...aka dorm-like building). I have had deep and meaningful conversations with both staff and little's and I have also had fun nights out on the town with a small group of the girls, which usually include chic-fil-a, wal-mart runs, and cookie-baking. I have also had little's cuss at me, call me names, complain when they get in trouble, and tell us how "there is nothing to do here!" and/or "you don't want us to have fun!"... (which they tend to complain about more and more each day).

God is teaching me patience.

He is teaching me forgiveness. He is teaching me obedience. He is teaching me wisdom. Annnnnd surprisingly(!), He is teaching me how to be a mom, by driving mini-vans and parenting...all day every day.

Sidenote: This is really the only time anyone ever gets paid to be a parent. SO... if you have no kids, are 23 years old or so and still have yet to find a fella (or lady), and are wanting to be a parent...then work in a group home/boarding school.

I was told by previous camp co-workers that have a history with Shelterwood that it would be the "hardest and best year of your life".

4 weeks in......I know that was truth.

Here's to the next 11 months...

"Lord....beer me strength."

WEIRD

Just a proud little moment:

I built a longboard. Yeah...BUILT. With my bare hands. Like a man (but less hairy).

My dad helped me. Alright, more like I helped my dad. But I think we both would agree

that together we each did about 50% of the work. He just read the plans and KNEW what to do.
It was a cool father/daughter project. He was very skeptical at first and I'm pretty sure
he thought it was a dumb idea, but he thinks it's pretty stellar now.
He's already planning on us building a few more.
(Which we are in the process of, so if your interested..let me know)

Here it is...

SO.....

In about 10 weeks I'll be at my college graduation. (YIKES)

In about 11 weeks I'll be in the British Virgin Islands (for the 2nd time in my life).

Sailing a boat like this.

(My friend Lacey and I about 4 years ago.)

Napping in a hammock like this.

AND taking pictures of views like this.
(although pictures in paradise do not do anything NEAR justice to the real thing)

In about 12 weeks (literally a few days after coming home from vacation) I will be packing my car full of all my crap (clothes, laptop, backpack, nalgene, longboard, Bible, iPod, toothbrush, stuffed dog named Ross, and other various necessities) to Independence, MO for my year-long internship.

It weird to think that this big new change in my life is only 2 months away. I'm not even close to thinking about graduating (even though I'm aware it's dangerously close) and leaving all of my friends and the life I've known for the last few years.

I'm not really sure what to expect. When I have this thought I tell myself, "Self, you can't have ANY expectatins." (I don't always refer to myself as 'Self', but saying it's one of those weird things we do at kamp so I can't resist.)
No expectaions is always hard for me, because that makes me see nothing but a huge question mark when I think post-graduation and family vaca.
Who likes looking at a big question mark when it's lurking around in your future? Eeeeeeek.

Hmmmmm........I guess before any of this I have to finish my homework.

Story of my life..

Syncing your Sailboat...

This baby right here is Rode Trip

(If you don't understand the pun in the name you probably aren't a sailor. It's okay, don't fret.)

Alright, so if you know me at all. you know that I'm slightly obsessed with sailing...and by slightly obsessed I mean that if sailing was Justin Bieber I'd be a 13 year old squealing girl. I'm not sure where this obsession came from. Somewhere between sailing being one of the coolest things to do on a large body of water, and the fact that my father lives and breathes sailing. He knows all the knots of sailing (pun intended), and he's basically my hero, not to mention the most caring/funny/godly/funny/brave/funny/smart/funny/laid back guy you will ever meet. Oh...and he's super funny.

The above picture is my dad, Dennis Ray. (I told you. Steve Martin hilarious.)

This was when we participated in the annual Lake Eufaula Bucket Race. Since I doubt anyone reading this is from Eufaula, let me explain. In April there is a sailboat race across the lake to what is called Number 9 Marina, on the first day, and then back to Eufaula Marina on the second day. Best time (minus all handicaps with bigger/different types of boats) wins.

The people that partake in this event are majority really old men with really old boats who like to smoke a lot'a smoke and drank a lot'a drank, and then there's my dad and me.

Considering the fact that up until last summer we had the biggest sailboat on Lake Eufaula, OK (some really old guy bought a really old boat that's really big...making him the biggest sailboat on Lake Eufaul now), we pretty much dominate this race. The first year that had it my dad brought home a bucket (instead of a trophy...hence the name "bucket race"). The last summer or two, we have had conflicts that keep us from racing the second day. Our time always wins the one day we do participate, but alas, it keeps us from bringin' home the bucket.

This was my first bucket run race.

My favorite memory was when my best friend Danielle sailed with us. We were fixing food in the cabin of the boat and somehow came across water balloons and a slingshot. Naturally, we decided to ambush any boat when we so quickly passed up beside them.

Danielle=Intimidatation

Although I like Rode Trip very much. The catamaran is my favorite (see above). It can book it across the water, you can hook up a harness and lean off the side, and it looks like that...awesome. This was taken this last weekend. My dad and some friends went to South Padre to sail in a Regatta (boat race). They did horrible, but an adventure to say the least.

One I hope to have and share with you one day.

Still Learning...

After looking at my last post I realize how silly it is. Scared and almost bitter. I know the Lord always has a plan and I truly believe that, but I guess I didn't see how hard it is to trust that in the moment when I cannot vision this "plan".
Well...(drum roll please)...the plan is in sight as of now. The interview with Dolous went well apparently, considering they offered me a contract for a year. January-December. After lots of debating, lots of pros and cons being made, lots of talking to my parents, and more importantly LOTS of prayer, I took it.
So yeah. I reeeally need to stop worrying. [Philippians 2:14]



There are some changes to my life this semester:

New house......

109 W. Pulaski Street

aka "The 109"

New Roomate...Samantha Ridder

aka "Sam"

aka "My Big"

New Pet:

Maddie

She's not really mine. She is our other roomate

Rachel's new pupy, but we all love her.

(She loves watching the OC btw...)

That's all for now folks...

Learning

Future.
What a very exciting and SCARY word.
At 22 years old, I feel like I'm suppose to have some sort of an idea where my life is going.
Even more than just an idea...a plan.
Plan.
Now that's an annoying word if you ask me.
Plan your life. Plan your week. Plan your day. Plan your meals. Write in your planner.
That says one thing to me.....stress.
Maybe I am just bad at making plans.
Obviously. Considering I'm 22 years old and don't have one.

Here's my "plan" for the rest of this year.
This Friday: Leaving for Rogers, Arkansas to work at Camp War Eagle until August 13th.
August 13th: coming home to Eufaula, Ok. for about a week.
After that week (I don't even know the day...maybe it's in my "planner"): Moving back to Shawnee, Ok. for my last semester at OBU.
December:Graduate from OBU.
Jan. 2012 and the rest of my life: TBA
This whole "plan" is tentative, considering plans to go to the beach get rained on all the time.
Am I right?

In recent news I do have an interview tomorrow for an internship at Dolous Dicipleship in Kansas City, MO. For a year. Working with troubled teens.
I think this could be a great oppurtunity, but I am trying really hard to not get my hopes up.
Just because I turned in all that requires in the application and I have an interview doesn't mean this is set in stone at all. There aren't that many spots and there isn't much time to fill them in.

As of now....there is no plan.
There are plenty of "maybe"s and "might happen"'s and even some "possibilites".

That's life though right? There is never a gaurantee sticker.
You can't ever bank on anything ever working out. Even in the midst of it "working out", because lives change in a heartbeat. Sometimes for great and awesome. Sometimes for hard times and tradgedy.

I kow it sounds like I'm not looking at the glasss half-full.
I'm just looking at reality.

This is my life now. I'm looking into my future and it changes all the time.
These so called "possibilities" are endless and never constant.
All I can do is trust that God has His hand in it all and I have to remember to let Him.
I am SO not in control. And why would I want to be?
I would miss out on all the surprises.
Those surprises can be anywhere from easy to difficult, but there's a reason for them all...

To learn.

Searching

I wish I could explain/sum up my life right now.
In the last week or so I have: finished school, moved home for the summer (all while my parents were on vaca in Florida WITHOUT me), spent a few days in two different towns, and currently am trying to get unpacked/laundry done/re-packed and ready to go to camp on Sunday.
In the midst of all this chaos, I have had an unbelievable amount on my mind and heavy emotions in my heart.

I don't cry.
Hardly ever.
Ask anyone.
Unless it's super serious. OR once a month...(which is still rare).
I've done a lot of this recently.

I am losing faith in people.
I am having a hard time seeing the Lords plan in everything.
I know He is here.
But what am I to make of all this?

This might be a long summer.

Here. We. Go.